I saw the pictures of Al Gore getting his Nobel Peace Prize, an event that should have been no surprise to anyone. Naturally, he took this photo-opportunity to remind us how terrible the U.S. is, which was also no surprise to anyone. He is making a lot of money from telling us how horrid we are, so it's very unlikely that he is going to say anything to disrupt that income stream.

The reporters covering this so-called news story never missed an opportunity to give his full name as "Nobel Peace Prize Winner Al Gore." It's obviously going to stick as permanently, thoroughly and firmly as "Former Presidential Candidate John Kerry Who Served in Vietnam." Such long names! Perhaps that is a sign of an important person -- to have an incredibly long name.

I also saw a marvelous news clip on Paul McCartney's ex-wife, Heather Mills. OK, since we are already going on about long names, let's do this right. The article was about "Heather Mills, Paul McCartney's Soon-to-be-Ex-Wife" -- there that's better. Anyway, she was saying that the rich people she had been enduring for these long, dreadful years of parties as Mrs. Paul McCartney were stingy and snobby. Apparently, she has spent her time among them by trying to raise money for some charitable concern that the article didn't identify. That they weren't willing to listen to her prattle on and on about hungry children or endangered critters would make them appear snobby to her (and her boorish to them?), and that they wouldn't give her and her cause the proper amount of money, whatever she thought was appropriate, made them stingy in her opinion. We can see that Mr. McCartney did not marry her for her intellectual company and he wasn't seeking witty repartee. We suspect that folks who marry supermodels are less interested in wordplay as they may be in other forms of play. The only thing that baffles me is why these girls don't have enough sense to just shut up. Someone needs to tell them that no one cares what they think, if you want to call it thinking at all. Just smile, nod in silent agreement to any stupid thing someone says as if you understood and agreed (although you don't need to understand or agree really), strike a pose or two, and all your work is done, so how hard is that?

But I am glad that no one has explained it to Heather just yet, or I would have missed a good laugh. The article continues that she is still negotiating her divorce settlement with Mr. McCartney. According to this, he has offered her a settlement of $50 million -- but that she is asking for $100 million. Ho ho! Now who is being stingy? If rich people are so dreadful, why would she want all that nasty money anyway? I'm sure she is just going to give it to her charitable cause of choice.

I already believe that Al Gore is way wrong -- but if he believes that the fate of the world really does rest on mankind's ability to reason through a problem, he should not be sleeping well at night. We don't seem to have enough brains among us to fight our way out of a wet paper bag. But  let's see if my plan for World Peace and my own Nobel Prize might help -- we will hook Al up with Heather and let them talk their babble to each other. Meanwhile, I am going to take a huge reciprocating saw and chop Israel away from the rest of the Middle East -- then I am going to drag it up to the U.K. and put it where Ireland is now. I am going to drag Ireland down and put it in the hole left by removing Israel. I will let the Irish women explain the hard facts of life to the Muslim men, that should be entertaining to watch. And the Brits could embrace Israel into the United Kingdom; that should be a good fit -- as long as we don't tell the Brits where we put the Irish.